Long distance relationship sucks isn't it?

Long distance relationship sucks isn't it?

Perhaps it was not to those who are lucky enough but to me it is.

Way back a long time ago, I admire LDR. I watched youtube videos of couples who have their "first meeting after (insert years or months) of being away from each other." Even I dreamed of having one, LDR because it was as real as it looks. However it was not like the movies and rather in those videos.

I thought I can lived with it however it is difficult indeed.

What I like about having distance relationship is that you have convenience of being free even you have someone to still consider. To be honest, when he's faraway I can go wherever and whatever I do happy as single people felt then after because I am "in a relationship" I will just think of the proper way to state it over the net just to sound that I was maybe out but I still think of him and that I miss him or that I wish that we are not apart so we could go out together holding hands.

Don't get me wrong, and let us be honest, most of the time we miss our LDR partner when? When we are tired of shopping, alone in our bed waiting for our late night chatting or skyping or when we saw couple holding hands and that we are envious to. But when we are out enjoying our free life not having a single thought of him will make us stop and say oh wait I will call my boy or girl to share this happy moments with it. We cant do that! We have to consider timezone, or is he asleep or is he even care right of this moment that I am happy without him? Sensitivity is very important in LDR, because you know it is difficult and being insensitive is not making it easier.

I have read many stories or even supporters of LDRs but I am in a LDR and look at me I am crying every single night. I maybe losing hope of this relationship, which many will say I should be brave, get myself hold on and trust everything to God (and honestly I am.) It was just difficult and I am losing my right frame of mind to why continue it. It is exhausting.

Every night I look back on our past conversation, how it went well or what gone wrong that suddenly we're like this. Its like I dont know myself anymore. I am not like this. I am not weak. Its like my happiness is attached to that person and so when he is now being too far, farther than our distance, I felt destroyed, lost and hopeless. And worst, the only way I can think of is to be with him and hoping that when we are together it will all washed away the pain.

What should I do?
Why do I have to feel this loneliness?
Why do I have to change?
Why cant I find happiness on something else?